Mummy stories · Work

No time for anything

It’s Sunday evening again and despite my plans to get more sleep it’s 23:29 and I’ve 7 hours before the alarm rings. It’s been a great but action packed weekend with dancing lessons, birthday party, play date, nana visit and topped off with a sunny Sunday…meaning picnic, walk in the woods, ice cream and a bubblegum flavoured lolly for H. There is little choice for dairy free at the whippy van but the novelty of a blue tongue to match her nanny knitted cardigan quelled any disappointment. And provided a “take five” in our busy schedule.

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Well I say busy…but to be honest I’m off sorts with the word at the moment. I used to think I was busy. Really busy. As in doing a lot and achieving a lot. Then I read a post on Facebook about productivity and how this was different to busy. It stopped me in my tracks.

  • How much time do I spend thinking about how much I have to do?
  • How much time do I spend re-reading an email to ensure it reads just right, rather than just pressing the damn send button?
  • How much time do I spend updating or perusing one of my numerous Facebook, twitter or instagram accounts?
  • How often do I stop doing these things and just focus on living in the here and now…no check ins, no status updates, no emoji exchanges or responding to messages on my business page to keep my ratings high?
  • And how many times does H tell me “to listen”, “to look” and “to put down my phone”?
  • Am I a busy fool trying to work at every opportune moment or am I being productive and achieving all my goals?

Hell, back in the days of corporate life I used to have my five year goals set out and each year I’d write them out fresh in the front of my diary, updating those I’d be reached…moving the goalposts. But how many have I actually achieved over the years? Some…well quite a few of the academic and career based milestones I guess. But for all my busyness the personal goals were often overlooked. I’ve never worked abroad (I don’t count the summer in Magaluf as ticking this one off), never ran a marathon and I’ve never written my book.
Then H came along without first making an appearance on my 5 year plan, changing my life and my outlook…but I’ve not sat down and rewrote my goals. Although I think I probably should. Without some focus it’s easy for days, weeks, months to drift and before you know it your baby is at school and you seem to have blinked and missed those toddler years. I don’t want the next 5 to fly past so fast…so maybe it’s time for a change.
Now my goals will in the main be based around H and our life together. How I can find more time for her, how we can build a quality relationship and how I can help her to develop into a confident, secure being who always feels like she is my number 1. Perhaps I’ll term it “productive parenting” although I’m definitely a novice, still finding the whole experience of motherhood a very steep learning curve indeed!

Not least the shock of how unbelievably being a parent changes you…
I started a saving policy almost 15 years ago to buy the Porsche I’ve always dreamed of owning. To be fair the investment market hasn’t been so great and the payout won’t be as rich as hoped but even so it’s enough for an older model. Except now the Carrera doesn’t have a place on the drive because my plans have changed and even though I find it hard to believe myself sometimes, I’m quite excited by the prospect of using the money to buy a campervan! A two girl adventure palace on wheels. It makes me smile to imagine the look of excitement on her face as we set off to Skegness on the Friday evening for our first weekend away. Visualisation is key to making dreams come true some say so I have a good feeling about this one!

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As close as I’ll get to my dream car now….

But I need to fill in the gaps between now and then. So instead of being “busy” this week I am going to be productive and write down my plans…or rather our plans for the next five years. And I’ll ask H to add her ideas to the list too. Maybe I’ll even share them with you…we will see.
Ironically the post I read was on Facebook…where I spend too much time. But maybe social media in its right way can provide great insight and cause for reflection. It’s not to say that all or even any of it is bad but it’s more a case of knowing how much is enough and when to put the mobile away.
I’ve no time to be busy… but there should always be time for an extra programme with a bedtime cuddle. There should always be time for climbing back up the stairs because “I forgot to tell you something mummy”…with a big pause as she tries to think of anything to say. There should always be time to look her in the eyes and tell her how important she is…to the moon, the stars, the sun….and back.
I’ve no time for anything. But I WILL make time for H and “productive parenting”!

L x

p.s. I’d love to hear what you believe are essential elements of “productive parenting”… and ALL tips very welcome!!! X

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